Look, I get it. Listicles are the fast food of the internet—quick, greasy, and guaranteed to clog up your brain with junk. But they do numbers. So in the spirit of traffic-chasing mediocrity, Genex Geek is proud to present the one list you didn’t know you needed: Disney Princesses Ranked By How Much They Stink. Yeah, I said it.
You think they’re all magic and grace? Nah. They’re tromping through medieval forests, living with seven dudes in a cottage with zero indoor plumbing, or swimming around with fish poop. Nobody’s talking about it, but I will. This isn’t some fairy tale hygiene routine where a wave of the wand makes your pits smell like lavender and crushed dreams.
Nope. We’re getting real here.
Welcome to the stink list. Let’s light a candle and dive in.
1. Snow White (1937)
Stank Level: Medieval Forest Funk
Listen, I don’t care how many birds braid your hair or how many squirrels help you with the dishes—you’re living in the goddamn woods with seven dudes. Seven! And not one of these guys has seen a bar of soap since the Crusades. You think they’re scrubbing their pits before mining all day? No! They’re coming home with soot in places you didn’t even know soot could get. And Snow White is just prancing around, singing to deer like she’s not marinating in a cocktail of campfire smoke and old boot leather. I bet that cottage smells like wet dog and regret.
2. Cinderella (1950)
Stank Level: Sweatshop Chic
This chick is literally scrubbing floors in an attic all day. You ever clean an attic? It’s basically Hell’s waiting room, except dustier. And she’s doing it barefoot. I mean, she’s practically microdosing tetanus every time she steps on a rusty nail. You’re telling me she rolls up to that ball smelling like anything other than Clorox and desperation? And the Fairy Godmother just slaps a dress on her—no bath, no wet wipe, just bibbidi-bobbidi-B.O. The Prince probably thinks he’s got a sinus infection the whole night.
3. Aurora (1959)
Stank Level: Coma Funk
Oh yeah, let’s talk about Sleeping Beauty. She’s out cold for, what, a hundred years? You ever leave a piece of ham in the fridge for like a month? It practically comes alive. Now imagine that with a human body. No showers, no toothbrushing—just a century of medieval plaque. You’d have to wake her up with a Lysol bomb, not a kiss. Prince Phillip must’ve been holding his breath like he was defusing a bomb.
4. Belle (1991)
Stank Level: Library Must & Beast Dander
Okay, I love Belle, but let’s be real—she’s living in a castle with a giant shag carpet that walks and talks. The Beast sheds everywhere. You don’t have a giant dog-man wandering around your house without your upholstery smelling like wet husky and corn chips. And she’s reading books in a drafty old library with no HVAC. Those pages are practically growing penicillin. Plus, he’s eating raw meat in there. I’m saying that West Wing smells like a zoo during a blackout.
5. Ariel (1989)
Stank Level: Fish Market Chic
Yeah, she’s adorable, but you can’t convince me she doesn’t smell like the back of a Long John Silver’s dumpster. She’s flopping around on rocks, sun-drying in seawater like she’s jerky. And when she finally gets legs? Zero adjustment time. You ever take a fish out of water? Smells like it committed a crime. I bet she got to that palace and the staff were lighting candles like it was a séance.
6. Jasmine (1992)
Stank Level: Desert Sweat & Tiger Breath
Okay, she’s living in Agrabah—a city literally surrounded by sand and camels. You’re telling me she’s walking around in 110-degree heat in a silk bra top and doesn’t have some…aroma? And she’s got a pet tiger! You ever been near a tiger enclosure at the zoo? It smells like the animal kingdom’s gym locker. I’m just saying, even that magic carpet’s like, “You mind cracking a window?”
7. Mulan (1998)
Stank Level: Boot Camp B.O.
This one’s just math. She’s training with a bunch of sweaty dudes, wearing armor, running through mud, sleeping on the ground. You think the Huns are like, “Hold up, let’s have a hygiene break”? Nah, she’s going full commando out there. You could bottle that stank and weaponize it.
8. Pocahontas (1995)
Stank Level: Earthy Crunch
Alright, she’s literally running barefoot through the forest every day, swimming in rivers with no filtration, and hanging out with raccoons and hummingbirds. You ever smell a raccoon? It’s like old sneakers soaked in fish oil. And she’s just cool with it! Her idea of a bath is singing with the wind. That’s not hygiene—that’s aromatherapy for hippies.
9. Elsa & Anna (2013, 2019)
Stank Level: Frostbite Fresh
I’ll give these two a pass. Freezing cold all the time, living in ice palaces. If anything, they probably smell like a glacier. Just pure, uncut frost. Elsa’s got that walking freezer burn thing going on. If anything, they might smell too clean—like sterile, like hospital linens.
10. Tiana (2009)
Stank Level: Almost Normal
Finally, someone who gets it. She’s running a restaurant, she’s got access to water, soap, and probably some good Southern perfumes. Sure, she was a frog for a bit, but honestly? That’s like two weeks of swamp stank—compared to Snow White’s lifetime of musk. She’s practically a walking Bath & Body Works.
Who wins the Golden Loofah for most stank?
It’s gotta be Snow White. Cottage in the woods with seven miners and not a stick of deodorant in sight. You could wring out her dress and power a tractor.
And There You Have It: The Stinkiest Princesses in All the Land
Congratulations, you just read a list ranking fictional women by how bad they’d probably smell if their movies were historically accurate. This is where we are now. Somewhere out there, Walt Disney is spinning like a rotisserie chicken in his cryogenic freezer, but you know what? It had to be done. Someone needed to pull back the curtain on the fairy tale funk no one talks about.
So, the next time you’re watching Snow White belt out tunes to a deer or Ariel flop around on a rock like she’s on sale at Red Lobster, just remember: magic doesn’t cover musk. Maybe if Disney spent a little less time on happily-ever-after and a little more on medieval plumbing, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
But here we are. You’re welcome.
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this slightly unhinged look at fairy tale royalty, you might want to check out some more twisted takes on classic stories:
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